ucsc public library experiments

i am on a mac computer(sometimes windows) in Mchenry library… they are using network viewing software…to “watch” everything.. I do online… and then “post it other places… as an “experiment”… then they try to “justify” their experiment.. between themselves…

the psychology departments… and the IT departments have collaborated… as well as “social justice”… “organized” students…and staff…

gas-lighting and “other” forms of psychological warfare… have been “exercised”.

i suppose… i have been online… for.. 2 years.. now…

i have been coming here.. for… 2 years… plus..

i got of the greyhound bus from Minnesota twin cities… where i worked at a cullet glass recycled “building machine… high tech…recycling facility… with about…$800 in my pocket… i spent 100 for the first week i was here… and saved the $700 for … a car or rent…

i first was profiled.. at the santa cruz homeless… shelter… which is part of ucsc… it is ucsc property…

http://www.santacruzhsc.org/

i signed up for “mail” in their mail-room…

i got here…  around November 2013… is stayed at the shelter… doing… yoga…and tia chi and working at Labor Ready in soquel… California

i meet a “friend” from the Midwest.. that… “gave me a free bike”… a nice one to.. a cannon-dale… i used it to get to work…and meal kitchens…

http://www.stfrancissoupkitchen.org/

i earned enough money to buy a bus pass.. to make it to my “new job” in watsonville thru labor ready.

I had a feeling i was being profiled. i prayed about it.

The work was enjoyable… i farmed… working for a “international company”. they like me…or my work ethic…

i made a few friends at work… Louis… a Mexican American friend from watsonville who sold me a car… that i lived..in at Safeway parking lot.. while i went to work…

work at the farm is extremely “dirty” and my “service” was greatly appreciated… so i was “informally interview… and the “bosses”… invited me to live on the farm… temporarily…

i had a rusty station wagon…for awhile… yet… i felt bad about driving … so i stopped… driving… it.. and gave it back…. cause i tried to get my license transferred.. and could not because of tickets… thank you louis and family… it did help me get and stay with the farm job…

i lived in a tiny home at first… for… 430 to 40 hrs extra work on the farm a month… tied in with the 60 hours a week on the farm for regular work… i made about… 1200 dollars.. a month.. i spent 900 a month on food…because… it is a very physical job… and i worked my ass off…

i had… 3 hobbies… Frisbee golf(local parks at lunch and after work)… surfing(at local beaches on weekends or when it was good…sometimes not so good eh)…and biking( park of the nisene marks.. and everywhere…San Fransisco…. San Jose…etc..

i had.. no “after work friends… my schedule did not allow it… however i would greet and hang out with my “neighbors” where i lived(in the farm tiny home and rv)… by “having BBQ and “jam-outs” some of the jam outs… maybe.. to loud… (i played guitar(acoustic and electric plus android caustic…and Linux… sound pkges(lmms)…etc..)

i desired… to extend out to family.. that is really why i came out to California… i would go see… my grandma about every 2 weeks and take her out to dinner at a restaurant.. we spent Christmas together.. were i was… pulled over without.. registration on car… Christmas eve… and the cop let me spend… Christmas with my grandma… thank you… whoever you were … anyway… i would also… run errands with my grandma because.. she is 80 something years old.. and cannot lift stuff… we would go to the parks mainly.. foothills park in palo alto( a childhood park as i grew up in palo alto).. and spend time with… my aunt together in “family picnics”…

i got a call… will working on rebuilding a section of the farm…. it from my sister… informing me… when the funeral of my dad… date was going to be… i confirmed it.. with my “employers” and friends… and came to my fathers funeral…  along the way… i noticed…on the bus… i was being scoffed at.. and ridiculed by strangers… i knew.. something was. up… yet i could not.. find out why… just yet.

seeing my sisters.. opened up.. old sentimental memories..and we : cried and honored our father together… and made an agreement to stay in touch… as all f our lives.. of course.. have progressed on…

i came back… to santa cruz.. and sulked in trying to figure out.. how to focus on being a person… to be a pale bearer of my fathers funeral… ( i have been a homeless tramp most of my life) my father had a rough childhood on the east coast… and “worked” his way out of it… thru ford motor company… i always felt like… i would never live up to that… but thats another story…

i was doing well… more than anytime in my life… period…. i had money… yet no time to spend it… i had a smartphones like a motox and a samsung s5… with sprint spark… that cost me.. 120 a month… i could not afford that.. i had to cancel the contract… i also… got my first account at a bank in 8 years… at wells fargo… (long story short my credit was ruined.. when young working a temp agency(day labor) and they(bank of America) charged me $300 plus items for 2 days workings meals and travel…. that was more than i made per week… i could not pay it back… $20 per item overdraft. “credit ruined”… yet i payed them back… (i could never get credit cards, or rent a place.. or even get certain jobs cause of it though.)

i spent nights were i was not working on farms or on my bikes( i also had a motorized ape hanger cruiser bike from a friend at work… the warehouse guy… cool dude… that i felt “understood my background” in a way… yet… was not”condescending” like some people get… etc..) anyways i use to paint… i would by arts supplies from local art dealers and paint everything… often passing out… while painting… water colors mainly( while doing painting i would practice  my spoken art learned from kc living)…. i was simple be to tired from work… to notice… that “others” were “hacking me”… everything about me… i noticed yet i also had no “resources to do anything about it”.. so i continued as normal… and just observed how they operated…

i eventually quit fired.. twice.. for freaking out.. that “something is not right with the relationship with others”… meaning.. strangers were cursing me… i had never meet…. never had a relation… how and why would they.. do that… (in my mind i figured its cause someone did it to them.. someone had abused them to react to “strangers” they had not meet before)

before i had quit the farm.. i had signed up for school i went to… cabrillo college sign up for an engineering degree… i joined a few stem clubs… and spent time with the “environmentalist” at the school hoping to learn… the real “direction of the California position on the matter”… “clean oceans project” and surf riders… etc.. i hope to join the ” aquaponics or some agriculture club”…

i studied tig welding, oceanography, environmental geology, mathematics and art… the load was to much 21 credit hrs a first….while i was homeless and had no reserve money… the school session ended up.. with study time was over 40 hrs a week and with clubs equaled about 60 hers a week.. i had to take showers at the gym… and would study in the dark on the benches at night… i would living on a diet of tuna and cereals… my health started going down.. i was sleeping in a plastic bag emergency blanket at night… and skate board around on a $50 long-board i had got at Target. i wore the same cloths a grey pair of pants a grey hoody and swim trucks and dri-fit shirt… i would wash it in the “shower”…

i worked at santa cruz nutritionals on the weekend… 20 hrs a week… that is the money i would use to eat and buy bus passes on …since the pell grant money does not get to you till after the semester.. i could not buy books i needed… so i would spend time at the libraries.. and make “photo copies of homework”… extra time… but cheaper… etc..

santa cruz nutritionals makes candy vitamins… it very repetitious… i would be so… so… exhausted…already from being homeless.. and vehicle less.. and shower-less and “restless” that i would sometimes.. catch myself … nodding off… at the “quality control” lines’… the people there were nice… and would not mention it.. they

knew  i was giving my best effort… 80 plus hrs combined  a week… was.. to much for me… so eventually… i asked for reduce hrs… at sc nutritionals…

in santa cruz… i would… hang out at the libraries… and know is was being “watched” by community… i also felt the “homeless” community is
setup” like there is an “institutional’ aspect to it… i questioned.. and asked many questions to the people i would eat lunch with at the “meal kitchens” and homeless shelters”… at night i would i would be… studying in the shelter…. and strangers… would be cursing me.. will i was studying… all night… relentlessly… will i was studying… i still complete my homework… anyway.. and turn it in…

i pushed thru all the way to the very last weeks of the semester and meet with a counselor and asked.. about it….”strangers” people had never meet… out of nowhere were cursing me… so… i decided.. to lessen the load… i drop… a couple classes.. and increased hrs at work… i decided.. i need to eat… i ended up… passing out at work… sick from not eating enough and being exhausted from work/school i talked with the manager and cut my hours back.. also… my paychecks came in the mail service… at the shelter since i got rid of the Wells Fargo bank account and i had a government phone that someone.. stole from me…at labor ready.. the week before… i had enough… of it… at school…

i decided… i needed a “perspective change’.. so i bought a ticket to Utah salt lake city… i was going to ask for help out there “cyberly” from the schools out there.. i had figured out… before i left school at cabrillo… that i was a victim of “cyber-bullying” meaning “hired hackers and cause stalkers” where “constantly setting me up”… so i contacted the fbi and “other” agencies…. in government… them i look up… hired hacker websites.. while making a “website” about “cyber-bulling and money culture in America” in a wordpress… that i could use to educate those that would continued to

“do it to me…”

i seriously doubt anyone in America… has been thru the “social cyber-bullying” that i have been thru…. in Santa Cruz…and Utah… i decided.. to dedicate my “research to that phenomenon”… will my studies in the homeless churches in Utah… i enjoyed my time with the Mormons and Christians in Utah… i worked 2 days thru labor ready in Utah.. and spent the rest of the time.. trying to “find” help… or support.. knowing… that “hired hackers”… are tracking me.. for money.. or “some other cause” related to money…

while out there i still did my political environmental… activism… with locals especially on the air quality and social justice issues like “the block” a special place where “everyone shoots up on the street in front of you… while asking for a cigarette… while robbing the guy next to ya… etc… slat lake was interesting cause it is mainly “concentrated
on “that” block…and no where else…

i stayed to myself…. waking a full circle every day around the city … and looking for.. “volunteer work” since.. “no one was hiring”… me… i volunteered at the churches… because they would let me work there…

in Utah… i actually would talk to the “hired hackers” going after me… they would actually
confront me… in public… knowingly doin it… i also… talked with the “government agents” that were tracking my “every-move”… they all look on with… “complacency”… wondering “How is the mf surviving this amount of abuse… ?”

i eventually abandon the camp i was in… under abridge… 10 miles from the shelters… etc.. that i  would walk to just to get away.. from the “hunters” downtown…

to the city it did not matter that i did no drugs… cigarettes or drinking or anything… no stealing no sex no hanging out in places i shouldn’t…etc… dating no… nothing.. i was “grouped” in with them though… just because i was homeless…. and poor… i decided to question the community on this out there.. and got a familiar response… from the homeless… as well as the “city folks”… “who cares…. ” “shut-up”…. i realized… no one is actually seeing me as a living being with “emotions” that in our relationship.. the behavior that i would recognize and point out… to them while the behavior was happening only worsened it… the would “attack more” for me to realize… that it is a “programed” response… tied to a technology… when strangers.. who have no “investment” in you or your life… come out of ‘a strange place” and attack you continuously” and others witness it and mostly look away… that is not.. a “healthy” response … even if they are at war… war has “boundaries”…etc..

it had to be a spiritual choice… America had chosen this.. as a response… i knew.. that the community at large… had failed the people…

yet… i “never” give in or up…

i have faith that GOD in all ways.. is in my relationships… the real question in all relationship with GOD is
what has the money done to it?…

i have questioned it… since i “hit” the streets at 17 years old.. i have been on the streets for 20 something years… in homeless shelters, alleyways. dumpsters…porta-poties.. couches… forests… deserts… swamps…. bridges… lean-toos… rail roads… sleeping in cars.. friends cars/couches… parents couches… walking all night in some towns as they would have… no “sleep” policies…. where you literally … walk all day and night…

i found… refuge… in spoken art.. and online… content…development… to express… myself… the community in kansas city.. is awesome for spoken art… and hiphop… yet.. i had know.. every poetry wine club in town… speakeasies…and the like… only to find.. that… was really special… to kc… no other place.. had it like that.. i kinda missed it…

i still walk around a “spit” only to be mocked and scoffed at.. by the people that set up… further… setups.. “cyberbully”… i have not.. had a “real relationship” in about five years… meaning i left the kc “scene” in 2012 my “friends” (which were mostly heroin and meth addicts…i was using at the time) had been running game in the neighbor hood to much.. and other neighborhoods.. where.. “not liking it”… so i was.. messing around… with… drugs… back in “midtown”…and found “users” setting each other up.. for “gank” meaning they were “making fake shit” and selling it to people and then… turning around with that money and buying “more real” stuff” sharing it with the “hive” then go back out and … “hustle” some more… yet no one was making money.. yet some were paying their bills barely… etc..

anyways it was to “loud” and i knew it.. i tried to convince the “hive queen” who i respected.. to simmer down some.. yet.. she quit heroin for a period while we.. just did meth together… i helped her out of her place at my “other” friends house… who had asked me.. to ‘reduce the “heat”… meaning… things were sloppy and all over the place…

anyways.. i helped her and her boyfriend move into a apartment just down the street.. and then… they invited most of the “trouble” at my “other friends” apartment.. to hers… problem mostly solved.. yet.. the situation. . turned.. complicated.. when.. her boyfriend…. overdosed… on heroin and died… at.. the time… i decided.. this is way over my head… the “streets” in that section of town… were getting more… “Johnson county” preppys…”still armed…” yet… still Johnson county… rich kids… so i had some “friends” over there.. and asked… who are these.. girls… i went… to many other parts of town and was… “learning” the different formulas… in how people cook meth… ” the birch method” and “shake and bake” method… “pill importers” and “heroin dealers”… traffickers…. .pharmaceuticals “exploiters”…. “porn-makers”….”drug prostitutes” “fencers”…. cyber-pirates”….list goes on and on……..  i did not need to know… so i asked them… to…. shift there focus… on just helping me… move out of the “streets”… not into… “hell”…”hell meaning… they(those that themselves had it done to) abandon people(new players) to … the loneliness of “themselves” in some form of oppression” …. all tied to money… etc..

my mother had.. moved to south kc… near Kansas side.. waldo… i had got to sleep there but had not had a place… “there”… so i learned… why…

my mother.. and “her boyfriend”… also.. were tied.. to the same people… that were… on the streets.. they all knew my “family” more than they knew me… i panicked.. sometimes when i realized.. that …. meaning… i had done every drug to find out how they work in kc… who deals them… who imports them… who… “buys” them… who “uses” them…. and why.. is the culture so “fucked up” and when i realized.. that there were ties to my own family..
which some of my “friends”…tried to tell me.. “frankly”… yet i wouldn’t listen..

i knew my stepfather steve mcginnis used and sold meth “big-time” in northeast kc… and independence.. (top meth place in America at one point)… yet he was… i thought clean now… he was not clean… when i lived with him… he was.. using i was looking away.. i desired peace with my family.. however fucked up it was… i at that time was in college.. and not…looking for trouble.. yet .. Steve was setting me.. up… and so was my mother… i would go over to my friend Justin Adams… to see if i could stay over there… he was a ‘weed dealer in  town… i meet him when he was.. a teenager… on the street.. he came from south kc… i thought.. yet he progressed into.. a very cool dude.. yet… was still a “drug dealer”… so i respected him… and loved.. him as a friend.. yet… when i got out of jail for steve ‘attacking me… over his own… “rock star bullshit”…i decided… better to ask a friend for help…

when i was attack by my stepfather… i was asked if drugs were involved.. and i said yes…

i told the cops… he “might” be on meth.. it was in the police report… and when i got out… i knew… he or the… “network” was gonna come after.. me…

kc is a small town.. everybody knows everyone… in the “drug culture”…

so i got out of county .. and went to my “trusty” friend” Justin… and stayed at his place…

my friend Derrick moore… from high school… knew Justin and Justin set up an interview…for me to move into Derricks place… while he.. would go on trips… etc.. i moved into a drug house… with them…

fresh out of jail… i got a place thru friends.. and then went back to my job “drywall sanding with the Africans and the rastas… ” i loved it.. yet.. everyone smoked weed and i was on probation…

we would be covered.. in dust… from head to toe.. only our eyes.. were the mask was.. would be “somewhat” clean… and we would pile back into the car… and everyone but me.. would light up… some weed… i asked if could maybe.. not.. till we got to the workplace.. …etc.. long story short… because of “drugs” i had no say.. and quit because…. after… we.. picked up a pound of weed.. and was on a job… all of us.. dirty ladders on the top ot the gmc jimmy…tired…. they light up.. and were smoking …when… the driver decided to go down the wrong side of the highway… and at that same time.. a “highway patrolman”.. was going up the ramp…

he signaled and pulled us over.. i was “furious”.. i was on probation for a “violent offense” i was outside.. the state working on a “permit” and there was a pound of weed in the car.. and everyone had… “spliffs”… in there mouth.. and the car full  of smoke…

everyone jumps into action.. and.. starts spaying “shit” and.. cleaning up shit”… eyes blazed.. and “pointless” cause… the gmc still reeked of pot… the state patrolman… comes up to the.. window.. and asks.. may i have your ids..

we all give them to him .. he goes back to the car.. .waits..then comes back… and mentions.. the “driving down the wrong side of the highway…”goof-up”… and asks us if we are on are way to another “job-site” everyone nods.. their head .. yep officer…. and he lets us go back to work…

we get to work… i was quiet… (not good) then we start working then i just let loose a little bit… like wtf… with them… even thought i love them… so i then… quit… a couple times… cause i had to work… for probation…

then i really quit.. and wallowed in the mire… at an apartment with “druggie” friends in the east-side/ midtown… “trap-house”…

i couldn’t complain… really.. i could of been on the streets… i paid for the internet to be put in… then attempted to put.. the gas bill in my name and found out .. my dad had.. put the bill of the his house in my name and hadn’t paid..it for 2 years… it was like 6000 dollars… of “gas” bill.. i was furious…. anyways…

one of my roomies.. new i needed a job…and we both went together.. down the street to “American heartland theater’ were me and ‘Jrock” got jobs being “strikers”… term meaning “set builders”….

i love that job… we would stay up most of the day and night.. sometimes.. building full-on professional sets… at the time i was working 3 jobs… a ‘Johnson county” tree trimming service… a car porter in knob hill( landscaping maintenance of car lots and driving cars from auction to lots…)… and the theater job…

when i got out of jail… i meet one of ‘the many friend girls’ of my friend Justin….

her name was “Tracey”…. i tell you what… i never been hit so hard.. as when i saw this girl… i was “speechless”… and she knew.. it.. and I knew… i had it bad…

i went back one day to get some of my stuff to move to the place… and Justin had given me her number… for some reason talking about… she needed a roommate…. i felt to “shy ” to call her.. so i put it in th e wallet… and when i got a new Nokia phone.. i put all my number in it and sent a “mass” txt to everyone that this is my new number and she

txted me… back….

i asked who is this… and she said… ‘Tracey” then i got… nervous.. and texted back something like… see you at Justin…

i went over to my friends Justins after working a few weeks and got paid.. and was playing  video games i think it was.. red dead redemption… with packs and everything… and  some zombie… game…(local favs.. for that set of friends)… when she walked in and had a little puppy … with her… Chloe… etc.. and a pack of racer 5 pale ale .. ‘she drinks”…. i thought.. ohhh no…

then Justin and Tracy ask if i wanted a drink… so i had a drink with them.. and next thing you know… i started smoking… and then… within that week i had smoked weed.. again….

i asked Tracy to go on a date…

i never felt so… ‘intoxicated by love”… and everyone could see.. it..

we ended up going to a sushi place… a restaurant bar in plaza west-port and then a bar … were we got… so plastered.. i do not know i we got home…

i had been spending most of my money… on the ‘dates”… i dropped 300 dollars that night on ‘drinks” 4 car bombs.. 6 or six shot… i do not know.. i know there was car bombs… but we mad it back to my place… when i do remember asking her up to the “pad” for smore… beer… a “night cap”(i had never done that before)(she was the first…) a girl name Marnie(4th sexual encounter ever)  was the second..”she is a different story under different circumstances).. (at the time i didn’t know she live right down the street”… )

long story short… 8 years of celibacy… from the first time i had had .. sex.. with to me was the most… fascinating and beautiful women… was… “more than i could ever handle”… but not the one…

my friends heard us… and “were gloating about it” for a few agonizing weeks

we were ‘drunk” off each other seemingly for a while… and i
expected” that we would “commit” somehow.. to “something”… then she starts talking about.. she is bisexual and “sleeps with multiple men and women’…. whoa hold the brakes…. etc.. then i find out.. she does harder drugs.. later of which we use together… then i understood i was in way over my head… i “used meth.. .for the first time with her.. and realized….
she had had
experience with “a culture” of “hustling”…

i was…. ‘fuck in the head” my expectations of … how .. this relationship would go…. let alone the first time… with drugs also… “sophisticated and high maintenance” .. where “way outside” my “maturity at that time….

i buckled under the pressure… and ‘started losing it”…

the awesome relationships with the “musical trap house” i was living in ….crashed into… arguing and bickering over small stuff..

will working those three jobs those glorious 12 months… that was the longest and most intense “relationship” i had ever had…

my friends i had made were from all over.. the city… i went to bars.. rave… dj events.. because the best friend of Tracey… was a “industry girl’ meaning music promoter.. for rave.. music…

she had had some difficulties with a fellow roommate and needed a place to stay.. i said..sense i am almost never at my ‘temporary ” couch nigga place…  go ahead and move in…

she was a cool friend.. and was very generous in “networking ” thru out.. the city.. with more raver friends.. etc..

long story short… i could tell i was being set up…

most of my friends and “networks” were tied to the same “friends” when i was running a sound reinforcement job with my step fathers Steve mcginnis band… meaning…

“i understood what was happening…. ”

i “told ” on my stepfather… and thru the networks… they were gonna… “set me up” even though i had nothing to do with.. any of that shit….

Tracey…
got done with me.. and eventually kicked me out… the car i had.. “one of her friends.. put sugar in the gas tank and poped a tire(front drivers side..)…”

i went to a friends house.. down the street to ask for some help…. but that’s a different story.

 

long story short… if you  are in a place.. where you can say nothing about the “going ons’ about the going ons” and yet if something happens to you.. .that you cannot say anything about goings on… either.. then you are in a codependent relationship…

you cannot say anything to anyone…

there is no whistle blowing… there is no one to say anything… to…

except God…

when is was in jail.. the only people that talked with me.. were my mother and grandma… and my mother… “knew” what was going on… and yet.. she was in on it…

i eventually decided.. to “do something about this situation”. while in jail i had meet many “drug war veterans..” … street niggas”… and locals from the way… etc.. and it the same story… just like mine…

the same pattern… i discuses it in jail and got.. the “crazy looks”….

mom would call me in jail… and see me in the visitors… “jail box”

and i promised in front of her and on the phones….i am going to “figure this” out in our city….

i knew… things are fucked up.. yet… the truth of it is.. “everyone” is set up…

its all about… setting you up in debt… and then making it where ‘no one” can say anything about it….

and if they do… then they  “can set you up again” with more debt…

that sounded vaguely familiar…

it sounded like Revelations.. where it talked about … Sodom and Egypt…

Sodom… meaning… debauchery you could not talk about.. .yet everyone knew…

and Egypt.. where “all” were held in debt they could not “work” themselves… out of….

i did not understand.. that it was all a setup… the entire… setup.. form the beginning…

so… i being faithful in God… decided… just do what i do.. and the right way.. will come.. thru…

that to ask for strength while… people…. “figure” out.. and curse you all the while.. not knowing they themselves. . are sett up… in “Sodom and Egypt” also…

i have had.. encounters…with ten women total in my life.. and intercourse 4 times…

i have had drug use.. with many people to many to count…

and no… i did not.. deal… i would… use it with them… and discuss… the money in the culture of the ‘drug trade”… and figure out.. why.. if given the chance… if they could grow there own medicine “why wouldn’t they”

with some of the girls… like…lily and Marnie( she thought I was a (“dealer”)… so she attempted… to sleep with me…then tried to cover it up… cause she found out is wasn’t…from my friend troy”the one who gave me designer clothes… of his cause he was losing his place” and dumped me… like a bird drops… shit…) …and Christina..and Tracey… and others…i really told them…. i thought…that…money… was the “problem” with our culture”… not just drug culture”…. we would watch.. movies and music and i would quote  research papers about money.. and “they” knew… what i was really about… yet.. because.. how it is on the street… no one can say shit…  unless it is profitable for them…to save there status as “competent”..etc.

the majority of what “they showed me…” was how it works” on the street or in the middle class neighborhoods… or rich people and the “in between the lines… culture… related to the drugs…

some how…along the way.. i think it was lily and her friends… the ones that got busted for heroin and meth.. and “prostitution” have hired hackers… and “destroyed” all…all real relationships… with me… thru cyber attacks…etc.. i know that here brother was a “known” hacker….etc..

lily and “i do not know her name…” a young girl…” to young to be hanging out..

the truth is ….

is that the “streets culture” and drug use.. are so ubiquitous… in places like kc.. that no one.. really can “question it”…

by the time that a “hired hacker” decides..to do “the cause stalking” social aspect of it.. that the ‘real culture’ of the place(kc) is disassociated from the ‘cyber-world”…

there are many people s couches and houses that i slept or asked for showers at over the years…

there are many people that it is in there “best” interests’ that someone like me…

questioning money…. would be better off.. if i didn’t need be a “complication”….

just cause i know… “something”…

do drugs with any one is a “trust issue”

“they”..some of them “trusted” me.. cause i had been on the streets so long.. and some of them “trusted” me.. cause… i am so… gullible… yet some of them “trusted” me… cause they knew… that they.. could.. “have something on me…” in other words to reverse. .. it…

it a “reputation game”…
they themselves… would “teach me” that
while they were doing it to me…

etc..

the “internet’ is crutial to how the “kc” situations is even now…

meaning… my last durgs use… was in early summer… 2012…it was meth…given to me by “lily” and it is… 2016…. and i have… worked my ass off in this city amist.. the most horanious.. cercumstances… cyber reputation warfare… why cause no one actuallly is part of my community… no friends….not “culture” of drug users that i hang out with… no… “dating” of any female friends….etc… and yet.. “everyone” is “looking” at a “computer screen” and fails to realize that i am human.. real and alive in front of them…breathing has feelings… and “desire the best for them” and “excited about what we could build together”… and all i get.. is…

cyber reputation warfare… from the past… and yet… no one.. is … in any form of relation with me.. at all what so ever….

“who are they”… cause i know that ‘only real people” can be in a relationship… because it takes “guts” to risk and thus to “really ” know someone” ….

to sell someones.. character without any involvement with them… then say its fault of the one they are selling ….is a sociopathic… trap…

and the complacency of this aspect of our :cyber culture” is the “newest drug”… that I have been
discussing” both on this website… and the other ones…

 

what i really like is to … “make stuff” and “build community” with hopefully God in our relationship….

that is why i post so much ….

Inventions…and stuff and

stuff about the religion/faith i understand as
following Christ….etc…

yet all i get… is ‘kc this or kc that… in a speculative way on all sides…all the time….

that is not healthy….

would you allow someone or a peoples to do that to you…?

i understand… in my faith… that if you or someone else makes a mistake…

you edify … in the present… then… move back on course… in the
agreed upon… way…

sustained… hate…is psychopathic…. it is not healthy….

and in faith…i keep giving.. in hope that …

love will prevail…

i am explaining this so there is no doubt…

i believe in GOD… and that God love extends in all relationships…

he said be brave be courageous…

meaning…

our relationship… seems in confusion… so…

invite god in that “we” might be completed.. and…

move on… to what is good in a relationship.

 

i will always question… money… because my faith… in God…

declares.. that humans are made servants..

we are either serving money or God

and that if we or others… are serving money…

it is simply a mistake… and that Jesus Christ…

set us free.. with the power of forgiveness.. to set others free…

meaning if your whole neighbor hood serves money… eat drink and dance with them… and

question it with them.. and  bless the things that God made.. and if they curse you or the things of God… you bless them by .. “speaking life” which is to…

“expose the system of relations” now and here in the present.. and

give freely a

“way” out… .

and have them understand… that if they find that there was wrong that it is ok…

it was just a mistake.. many make them….

and with the Power of God…

in our relationship…

we to can completely recover from it… and

be whole in our relationship….

“true love” …

true joy…

true abundance….

everyone has a “story” an overcoming story…

and to greet each other as “brothers” and ‘sisters” as “overcomers” is a joy i hope everyone…

lives in hope of….

cause…

life is short…

but connection with GOD…

is eternal…

much love…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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